I have this gigantic pull, and I’ve had it all my life, for something more. I always felt I wanted to make a big difference in the world. Because of that, I always felt out of place. Almost like, did the stork drop me in the wrong area?
Some may know that I grew up in a large polygamous family. In some ways I relate to my family and environment I grew up in. But if I’m being honest, I always felt like I belonged beyond it. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I always felt smarter (or at the very least wanted to be much smarter) than everyone around me.
It wasn’t uncommon to have some argument or rift between me and an older sibling, or even with an uncle. I remember getting made fun of for being “a talker.” Unless I was keeping my mouth shut, I didn’t really get along with several of my uncles.
I was always different. I loved computers, not construction. Construction was boring work. Computers seemed magical. I also loved computer games. I loved winning (and being the first to win) and I loved seeing my name at the top score when I could get it there.
I always loved learning new things. I loved looking at the inside of a computer. I loved looking up at the stars, and imagine being among them. I would try to imagine nothingness, or “not existing” until my brain hurt. I would try to imagine infinity.
I remember having the gut reaction that I was not around the brightest people. It wouldn’t be long that I would go to college and take algebra, calculus and other subjects, and soon realize that my family knew almost none of it. And if they didn’t know basic foundational in our world, how could they be trusted with other things, especially around life’s biggest questions?
I remember my dad downplaying the idea of learning, or gaining knowledge. “It should all be for knowledge UNTO SALVATION” he would say.
I remember thinking how it took mathematicians, scientists, engineers and computer geeks for him to have the things he enjoys: cellphone, TV, computer, etc. It didn’t make sense to NOT learn.
I always leaned on the quote from Joseph Smith – “man is saved no faster than he gains knowledge.”
Joseph Smith also said something to the affect, A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.
That quote stuck with me like anything else! And it’s that idea that helped me decide I wanted to continue learning. I was going to go to college. I was going to make something of myself.
That’s how I got into education–my life would never be the same again.